Toxic Love

You may ask how these two words even go together: toxic and love? At first glance, one may define toxic love as a dirty love or a love that has grown contaminated. But let's dig a little deeper.  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word toxic is defined as 1.Containing poisonous substances or 2. Exhibiting symptoms of infection or toxicosis. The word love is defined as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. Now according to the Bible (Yes I am a Christian/believer of Christ), 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reads "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.... So what happens when the dictionary's definition of love and the Bible's definition of love are not properly displayed within a relationship, specifically a marital relationship?

I can remember having an extremely toxic love in the beginning years of my marriage.  Yes, we loved one another and yes we were excited about marriage, but when you have not rid yourselves of previous toxins, you bring them into your marriage inevitably causing them to contaminate the love you've developed with your spouse.  One may ask "Well, didn't you already possess these issues while in a relationship with your now spouse? You were dating so why are these toxins causing such an issue now that you are married?"  Great question!  When you marry your spouse, you become one flesh with them.  You literally become a part of their make-up, your souls are intertwined.  In other words, the baggage your spouse may possess, you now possess and vice versa.  If you have toxins that you have not rid yourself of (i.e. past relationships, your sexual past, infidelity/adultery, generational curses that have been passed down within your family, anger, jealousy, etc.) these things will absolutely seep into your marriage.  There is no secret to detoxifying your marriage. In fact, it is actually the total opposite.  You have to become completely naked with your spouse. I'm talking ADAM-AND-EVE-GARDEN-OF-EDEN NAKED!! In fact, that is the most effective way to detoxifying your love life.  Ridding yourself of any "skeletons" or "discretions" you may possess BEFORE you tie the knot is actually one of the greatest assets you can bring to the table prior to marriage.

Well what if I have some skeletons that I currently possess and have not told my spouse? My advice is to take them to the Lord first.  Seek His counsel on the matter.  From there, make the decision to be transparent, to be honest, and to know that detoxing yourself first will be one of the greatest, most freeing things you can do to better yourself and your marriage.