Broken Hearted

"For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them." Matt. 5:17-18 (ESV)

So your spouse has reeeaalllyyy outdone themselves this time. You're pissed, they're pissed. You're hurt, their hurt.  You literally have no idea how you two are going to bounce back from this one. You feel like the love is gone, the trust is gone, the romance is gone, things are just a hot mess!!! Does any of this sound familiar?  I know, I've been there too. 

So often we subconsciously (some of us consciously) keep record and a tally of how much we have been hurt by our spouse. We say we forgive, but when another argument or disagreement arises, we bring up every single thing our spouse has ever done to us. We literally keep score of who has been hurt the most and the worst! Aren't you glad we don't serve a God like that?  The problem with this is that we are literally causing one of the worst destructions of any kind when we do this.  A downward spiral that can lead to that big "D" word we DID NOT sign up for when we said our "I Do's". We are causing ourselves to have a hardened heart. A hardened heart can be one of the biggest detriments to any relationship, especially a marriage.  When your heart is hardened, it leads to much bigger issues: unforgiveness, bitterness, infidelity, rage, fear, and a number of other negative characteristics.  And this is not to mention some of the physical affects a hardened heart can have on your body.

The other detriment to having a hardened heart is that it causes you to walk around in offense. In essence you are walking around with a label that says, "YOU HURT ME AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS." Being offended is a part of life, but a mentor of mine has a saying. She often uses the term "unmessablewith." In other words, you have to become so in control of your emotions that even when you are hurt, offended, and upset - even if it's justifiably so, you have mastered the art of controlling your emotions. You must learn how to "fight fair" and forgive. Do not hold on to offense. It is only a festering sore or ticking time bomb waiting to rear it's ugly head in your marriage. Learn to control what you think and speak. Affirm only that which you desire to see manifest in your life and marriage. And remember, the most powerful weapon you possess is the power of your words. Change your words and you have the power to shift the entire direction of your marriage.

Happy Shifting!